Oldie But Goodie: Monty Python Job Interview

It was oddly quiet on the search front today, so I thought I'd take a break.

Huffington Post Joins Search for New Libyan Dictator

Commenters can't decide if it's a meh or a pfft.

Libyan Dictator (Libya)

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Date: 2011-02-24, 10:44PM CST
Reply to: job-qputs-2233322361@craigslist.org

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Looking for:
- Political negotiating skills
- Team player
- Skilled in all aspects of torture

Nice to have:
- Military background
- Popular support
- Taste for distinctive clothing
- Reality show personality

We are looking to hire soon.

(Featured on Huffington Post via craigslist)

Do you wanna MARRY an inanimate object?

Casting Call: Are you in love with an Object? (Nationwide)

Date: 2011-02-25, 1:22PM EST
Reply to: casting@20west.tv

Are you in a ROMANTIC relationship with an object?

Do you find yourself physically and emotionally drawn to inanimate objects?

Do you want to MARRY or are you MARRIED to an inanimate object?

Can you relate to objects and things better than people?

If this sounds like you or someone you know, a major network television series is interested in hearing the story.

For consideration, please reply to this ad stating your name, age, current city, contact information, recent photo AND a brief summary on how being attracted to inanimate objects is impacting your life.

Thanks and we look forward to hearing from you!

(Via craigslist)

What happens to you if you don't follow their brand guidelines?

Graphic Designer - CIA
Work Schedule:    Full Time
Salary:    $49,861 – $97,333*
Location:    Washington, DC metropolitan area

Would you like the opportunity to work on the most important intelligence issues of the day? Consider a career in the CIA's Directorate of Intelligence. This position is for a graphic designer, with excellent skills in interactive multimedia. You will be a member of a team responsible for the production of interactive multimedia products that will be used to present complex intelligence analysis to senior policymakers, including the President of the United States. Opportunities exist to participate in internal training as well as external workshops and conferences.

In Case You're Pursuing a Career in Prison

Incarceration Guide - What to do in Prison



Watch the full series here.

Key Benefit: Guaranteed Survival of a Nuclear Attack, Fed Job 1956

A Fed job posting very clearly outlining the job requirements of the "Chief: Damage Assessment Division." With details around pre- and post-nuclear attack. This role was responsible for "translating likely patterns of attacks into losses of manpower, industrial capacity, and weapon systems output," as well as "assessing actual losses, for alternating alternate levels of output consistent with surviving resources and for testing feasibility of proposed new mobilization programs." Plus "development and maintenance of capabilities for both rapid and deliberate damage assessments in event of actual attack..."

See full job description at Ptak Science Books.

(Via Boing Boing)

Are You an Unemployed Rock Star?

There are no fewer than 81 job postings, hiring across the U.S., today via Indeed. Feel free to bookmark this link for ongoing use.

That's it, I'm moving to Spokane

“We plan to be voted “Agency of the Year” by 2013. Seriously.

Good work isn’t good enough. We need to get better and need creative leaders to help us pull it off. Magner Sanborn a Spokane-based agency working with brands in a range of interesting and emerging categories–clients who will allow us to do work that makes others say, “f*ck, I wish I’d done that.”

We move fast and furiously, and our clients love us for it. (We cranked out three Super Bowl spots last year in under four weeks.) But the work has been good, not mind-blowing…yet.

Here’s what we need: Innovators with a track record of developing, pitching and executing breakthrough integrated campaigns and branded engagement forms. Yes, you’ve worked at the best shops. And yes, you’ve won a shit-load of hardware for your previous efforts. But you also understand that innovation can serve a real and valuable role—that it’s not just about BEING creative.

What we don’t need: Posers. Whiners. People who aren’t willing to work their asses off. And people who aren’t willing to hang at it for awhile

Submit your info to jobs@magnersanborn.com. Please don’t apply unless you’re the real deal and ready for the challenge.”

(Via AgencySpy)

Finally. An Exception. Yum

TASTE TESTING Exciting opportunity to join a brand

Exciting opportunity to join a brand new cookies, crackers and salty snacks tasting panel for a major food company in East Hanover!

Hours: Mon. - Thurs.
Approx. 8-10 hours per week
AM and PM openings

We are currently seeking applicants with the following qualifications:

• Frequent cookie, cracker and salty snack users
• Gen'l interest in a variety of foods & flavors
• Non-smoker
• No Food Allergies
• Works well in a group setting
• Excellent communication skills

Applicants with trained descriptive panelist experience within the past 6 months will not be considered

973-812-1259
Source - Gannett NJ Media Group   

(Via Careerbuilder)

How thick are those gloves?

Need pet sitter for my snakes 2/25-3/08 - Denver, CO

I'm looking for a pet sitter/ snake sitter. I have two snakes that both stay in separate locked cages. I just need someone to go to my apartment while I'm on my honeymoon and check the temperature of the cages to make sure it is at 76-78 degrees and change the water in their cages daily. My snakes are not poisonous or big. If you worry about changing water from their cages; I have thick gloves you can wear. It takes about five minutes or less. I really need ne dependable who will do this daily for ten days.

$12 / Day - $20 / Day

(Via Sittercity)

Oh, You Mean the OTHER Hawaii

COME WORK IN HAWAII!!!! (Meridian)

MAUI WOWI HAWAIIAN COFFEES & SMOOTHIES...........................

Come join the Maui Wowi ‘Ohana and be a part of sharing the “Aloha Spirit” with each and every customer. We are looking for fun and energetic people who get to greet their customers with an “Aloha” and say thank you with a “Mahalo.”

Stop by our location at the 520 E. Franklin Rd, Meridian, ID 83642 from 7am to 7pm Monday-Saturday to fill-out an application and submit your resume.

Full and part-time positions currently available:

Customer Service – Hard working and energetic. Be the one to set the tone by greeting every customer with an “Aloha.” Get to learn about all our Maui Wowi products and share that knowledge with each new customer. Want to be the one putting a smile on kids’ faces? Learn to blend a signature Maui Wowi Smoothie complete with fun parasol.

Don’t miss this opportunity…..APPLY TODAY!

Store just opened on Dec. 18th and is becoming a huge hit! Now we need more staff!

(Via craigslist)

A Very Particular Man

This one just made me chuckle.  I'd probably enjoy having afternoon tea at his place!
XO, Your Hiring Manager

Perfectionist Seeks Perfectionist Housekeeper (Midtown)

This is a job for an extraordinarily detailed, compulsive neat freak who wants to achieve perfection in a household working 30 hours per week for a single very busy very particular man with no pets. Do not reply to this ad if you think it's ok to fold shirts without a template, if you think that organizing ties in color order is odd, or if you permit wire hangers in your closet. THIS IS NOT FOR YOU in such a case. But if you are compulsively neat, totally obsessed with organization and achieving household perfection, know how to make a basic lunch ever day for the employer, cannot stand the thought of messed up fringe on a carpet, can wash and iron like a pro, then this might be for you. The job is 30 hours per week, and pays $450 / week with two weeks paid vacation per year. Must be legal to work on the books, and must have impeccable references and the ability to communicate in English. Please do not waste my time if you are simply a basic housekeeper. The successful candidate joined Joan Crawford in her outrage when she pushed the planter out of the way to find a dirt ring on the floor. You do the same thing, and comet is your best friend, you don't mop but you scrub, and scour, and love the smell of clean. Please don't waste either of our times by replying if this is not you.

(Via craigslist)

Seeking Marketing Manager or Stripper

The Japan Shotokan Karate Association Pan American Headquarters
is located in Brooklyn, New York. We are seeking an attractive female 18+ years old
to train as a marketing manager, personal assistant and Karate/Fitness instructor.
NO MARTIAL ARTS EXPERIENCE IS NECESSARY. WE WILL TRAIN YOU !!!

The Story of My Life

Extras Needed for Gangsta Club Scene (Queens)

Hi, my name is Edward Bonfanti and I'm the director of a dark comedy called Gangsta Bitches. GB is about 3 older ladies, who attempt to take over the NY Underworld. In the scene, the 3 GBs meet at a nightclub to discuss their plans for starting a gang war.

Extras are needed for the nightclub scene. Male/Female, any race, ages 18-40s are needed. Extras are encouraged to bring friends. The nightclub is Club La Boom in Queens. The nearest subway stop is the Northern Blvd stop on the M/R line. The address for the club is 56-15 Northern Blvd, Queens, New York 11377.

The scene will be shot THIS Sunday February 20th at 4pm. If interested, please respond to posting, to confirm you are going. I will be shooting all day Friday so I may not be able to personally respond to your post but we do need a count of whose going. No pay but copy/dvd will be provided. Film will be taken to film festivals and seek distribution.

Thanks,
Ed Bonfanti, Director 

(Via craigslist)

Now I Own the Craft

WANT TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A MOVIE??? (Upper West Side) 

I will teach you story structure! You will learn it quick and easy. It will be fun. We will meet one-on-one. It can be over coffee, food or whatever environment is best for you.
If you already know how to write a movie but just don't have the motivation- having a teacher is a great way to get it done. Many know how to lift weights, but having a personal trainer gets real results (if you don't like metaphors, then disregard that comment).

Two years ago when I was only 21, I thought I knew how to write movies (from my college courses, books I'd read and overall knowledge of movies) but then I started meeting with an accomplished screenwriter for one-on-one sessions (the best way to learn) and now I own the craft. Reading screenwriting books help. Screenwriting classes help. Knowing movies help. But there is nothing like learning a subject one-on-one. I always learned math better with a tutor.

I have worked as a script reader with major and minor production companies and studied screenwriting in college. I am currently putting the finishing touches on a script that I've been working on for 4 years.

If you are interested please reply with "I want to write a movie" in the subject line.
In the e-mail please tell me about yourself, you're availability and 3 movies you could watch over and over again.

(Via craigslist)

Are You an A-Game Imaginator?

PRODUCER/EDITORS FOR TV NEWS REVOLUTION IN HOUSTON

The TV revolution is upon us and the new Tribune Company is leading the resistance. We're recruiting a solid team of anti-establishment producer/editors, "preditors", to collaborate on a groundbreaking PM news format unlike anything ever attempted on local TV.

Don't sell us on your solid newsroom experience. We don't care. Or your exclusive, breaking news coverage. We'll pass. Or your excellence at writing readable copy for plastic anchor people. Not interested.

Sell us on this: Your fiery passion to help re-invent the '80's rooted, focus-grouped, yuppie anchors and a news desk, super Doppler ultra weather style. Your personal relationship with the internet, blogs, video-sharing, iPads, Droids, Blackberries, Blueteeth, Facebook & Twitter, and all things Modern Culture. You're in sync with the pulse of the streets, not the PC, Capital "J" journalism world.

Dear Employees

(Via Someecards)

The 6 Crappiest Interview Questions

A great cheat-sheet for your next interview. Read them all at The Oatmeal.

The Post That Started it All

They should just say, if you managed to read this whole thing and didn't die half way through, you're hired!

I dare you to apply. You too, Larry.

Smooches,
Your Hiring Manager

Client Support Specialist - Tax (Atlanta)

Description: The Client Support Specialist - Tax performs various administrative and engagement-detailed work of a responsible nature to support client serving partner(s) and other key engagement team personnel. This individual handles differing situations, problems and deviations in the work of the department or work unit according to general instructions, priorities, policies and program goals. This individual also serves as a facilitator who may coordinate deadlines and either handle them directly or, through others, handle project coordination and completion. In all cases, tasks performed, documents/schedules produced or data entered should be reviewed for accuracy by Tax professionals on the engagement. Tax professionals on engagements should not rely on any formal accounting or tax knowledge or 'professional judgment' by the Enterprise Support Services (ESS) staff member, nor should the ESS staff member provide 'professional advice' to clients, as defined by the Statements on Standards of the Tax Practice, or any other advice to the client. ResponsibilitiesEstablish a systematic method for self and/or engagement team to track and meet time and utilization commitments and the completion of tasks. Communicate and appropriately escalate delays. Schedule own time effectively, meet set deadlines and deliverables communicating delays appropriately. Communicate time at offsite locations to appropriate management. Demonstrate knowledge of engagement and practice group deadlines and utilize calendar/engagement management tools effectively. Assist with various non-technical aspects of client engagements by scheduling activities, confirming changes or delays and making necessary changes. Communicate filing deadlines in a timely manner and keep a calendar for each client, subsidiary and/or deliverable. Format, draft, update and/or edit forms, reports, templates and other engagement documents for review by engagement personnel. Follow an organized or standardized filing/document management process for electronic and paper documents and adhere to record retention policies and procedures. Proactively share knowledge of specific practices, procedures and tools. Effectively import/export information from manual reports or specialty practice automated systems to create spreadsheets, reports. Effectively maintain client engagement document control and implement filing system policies and procedures. Effectively maintain and organize documents on databases and file servers in compliance with document retention guidelines. Develop, edit, manipulate and proofread various engagement documents in compliance with firm standards, with limited guidance. Utilize an organized or standardized document naming convention and file storage system. Clarify instructions and establish deliverable timelines. Add value by applying knowledge to the work processes and resources, structure, and business of the firm, practice and specialty group, including when and how to access them. Act as liaison to facilitate proper flow of information to verify necessary actions are taken. Address and resolve non-technical issues and questions. Effectively participate in practice/engagement specific non-technical processes utilizing appropriate tools. Identify and assist in implementation of process improvements of practice/engagement processes and procedures. Maintain professional relationships with key internal and external client contacts, gaining recognition as a business partner/resource on non-technical questions and issues. Accurately perform data entry and data manipulation utilizing practice/engagement specific tools and databases. Perform quality check of client deliverables, confirming inclusion of all appropriate attachments. Work with firm standard technology, technical equipment and other relevant practice or engagement specific software applications. Know how to access firm knowledge and other relevant business information. Demonstrate proficient use of engagement or practice specific applications and tools, including updating, populating and maintaining data. Use advanced functions of firm standard technology and engagement/practice specific tools and software. May assist others in the use of technology tools. Maintain database and document repositories with knowledge objects, client deliverables, etc. Apply fundamental knowledge of internet/intranet search capabilities and core functions of Lotus Notes. Perform and filter basic research with guidance. Apply technology related regulations and restrictions to day-to-day work processes. Develop and/or apply macros/templates within function specific and firm standard software. Ability to anticipate and respond to the changing environment in a practical and effective way, enabling others to do the same. Explain to colleagues and clients how environmental changes alter how we do things. Take a lead role in resolving uncertainty among peers. When talking about change, illustrate what you mean with practical examples. Help colleagues see the need for change by addressing the fundamental improvements they will help bring about. Ability to put our emphasis on teamwork into practice through being a great team member, and/or team leader, promoting cooperation within and between teams across Ernst & Young. Help all team members feel they belong. Widen your knowledge by participating in teams drawn from other areas of Ernst & Young, including virtual teams. Recognize when team dynamics are adrift and work to put them right. Assemble the right team to achieve business goals by creating the right mix of skills and the right conditions. Stimulate skill development by encouraging team members to learn from each other. Create the structure and conditions to allow information flow within a team. Stay positive and focused when team dynamics are difficult. Promote openness and involvement from all team members. Help the team resolve conflicts and issues. Solicit a constant two-way flow of input and feedback. Ability to apply your knowledge of the business and the industry to identify the real issues facing our clients and provide innovative and pragmatic insights and solutions while adhering to our independence and Quality and Risk Management (QRM) policies. Determine whether a business need or solution requires a supporting change management effort. Assimilate unfamiliar issues rapidly. Anticipate process, structural or political issues that could affect the success of our work. Blend data, firm policies and judgment to devise a range of workable solutions. Solve complex problems in your own and other's fields, evaluating the benefits and likelihood of success. Alert clients to technical developments pronouncements in their own and related industries. Communicate effectively with critical stakeholders to increase a solution's chances of success. Ability to focus efforts on external and internal clients, address their present and future needs, provide quality service and ensure client satisfaction. Anticipate what clients will want and follow up to check that they're completely satisfied. Demonstrate the value of the team's work by keeping the client up-to-date, and explaining issues, approaches and solutions (i.e., manage expectations). Help colleagues understand the broader picture of technical, ethical and financial needs. Analyze client needs beyond own responsibilities to understand the context for the current work in progress. Ensure that the team knows who the important and potential leaders are in client teams. Involve clients when planning and preparing work/assignments, and treat them as key members of the team, helping them to understand the policies (firm or regulatory) that impact on their business. Ability to explore and understand the key drivers affecting Ernst & Young and our clients within the broader business environment. Articulate how different cultures impact the way business is managed across countries. Maintain an external focus by keeping up-to-date with professional organizations, markets, trends and legislation. Discuss key client developments in a way that furthers team members understanding. Analyze the client's business environment (e.g. industry) to understand the context for the services Ernst & Young offers. Alert clients and colleagues to social, economic and demographic trends likely to affect Ernst & Young and our clients' business. Ability to deliver projects effectively by splitting them into their component activities and making sure each component is assigned, prioritized and monitored. Set up full project plans rapidly for small project teams, including: objectives, milestones, priorities, team, calendar and nature of deliverables. Monitor teams' progress and regularly update stakeholders on potential overruns and changes; re-negotiate timelines and budgets if necessary. Balance multiple priorities by considering risk, importance, level of urgency, political impacts and other linkages. Work with team members to break complex goals into 'bite-sized' chunks. Use the right project tools and methodologies for your practice. Alert stakeholders when project scope changes; make the implications clear. This individual must be available for overtime, as needed, and must have an excellent attendance and punctuality record.

Requirements: To qualify, candidates must have: a bachelor's degree in a related discipline, or equivalent work experience approximately 5-7 years of related work experience Knowledge and Skills Requirements Effective interpersonal and communication skills and the ability to interface with personnel at all levels, both orally and in writing Ability to improve standardized best practices and service deliveries to accomplish firm, group, customer and/or individual goals Ability to meet new challenges with an open mind and an optimistic response and take initiative by anticipating customer needs and completing assignments without request or discretion; an understanding and demonstration of firm values Ability to quickly gain in-depth knowledge of the firm's structure, key personnel and organizational policies and procedures, in addition to a functional knowledge of a professional services environment Ability to successfully manage and coordinate simultaneous projects with multiple-level tasks and functions independently, while exercising good judgment Proficiency in the use of standardized software and hardware applications, including MS Word, Excel, and Lotus Notes